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For most guys starting out, learning how to approach women is about as fun as hammer fisting themselves in the nuts. But there comes a point when it goes from being terrifying and horrible to heroin-level addictive.

Many men ask me the question: “How long does it take to become good?”

There’s no direct answer. It depends on your desired outcome.

  • Do you want to get a laid a few times and find a nice girlfriend?
  • Do you want to sleep with a lot of women and have open relationships?
  • Do you want to travel the world and rack up a notch count into the hundreds, sleeping with some of the hottest women in the world?

If you want to achieve a goal, it helps to know what that goal is.


Choose Your Target

The more precise your goal, the bigger the target; the more momentum toward it, the harder and faster you’ll hit it.

The difference between these outcomes is like the difference between a high school, community college, or university education.

I went to pickup university and spent far more time chasing skirt than I’m proud of.

Even though it took a massive amount of time and left me more red pill than is healthy – it was worth it.


Most of You Will Quit

Most men quit before even tasting real success. They place their toe on the ladder, then realize they have to burn a few million calories to reach the next step – and give up.

No, most guys don’t even truly start. They just read blogs and watch YouTube and fill their heads full of game theory but never actually apply it. Not until they’re introduced to some poor girl at the company Mimosa night. (And then they wonder why they’re never invited out again.)

Pro tip: always practice where nobody knows your name.


The 4 Stages of Pickup Development

Game development can be broken down into four stages: Newbie, Intermediate, Advanced, and Master. Learning pickup is like learning any other skill. It takes time, practice, and constant refinement. You begin with conscious incompetence and move to unconscious competence, and possibly mastery.


The Newbie – Three Months to a Year

The noob is living under an oppressive cloud of uncertainty. He’s motivated to learn but usually lacks the courage and grit to go out and practice, at least with any regularity.

Despite being Matrix aware, 99 percent of men who discover the seductive arts will never cold approach more than five women in their entire lives.

It’s too bad for them but great for the rest of us: less competition. These poor fools – if they could just find the guts to move their legs, open their mouths, and TRY, they could at least make a little progress.

Newbies usually think they’re a special case, and that their level of approach anxiety and not knowing what to say is unique to them. They believe they’re broken men and not like all those other men who have the balls to try. If only they could stop that little voice from telling them they’re ugly little creeps and just know what to say! What do you say!?

If this is you, understand you’re not different, and you’re not special. You are the same as 99% of men who find blogs like this one.

All you have to do to move from this stage to the next is get off your ass, put on your shoes, and go TRY.

Few can even detach balls from chair. If you can just do that, you’ve already risen above many.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what to say – nobody does at this stage. Even if they read a hundred pickup books, they still don’t know.

It doesn’t matter if you have approach anxiety. Every noob has approach anxiety. The only way to overcome it is to approach girls. That’s it. Not hypnosis, Toastmasters, or Tony Robbins seminars – only approaching women.

If you’re part of the 1% who learned how to move their legs, open their mouths, and speak to a woman, then congratulations. You’ve moved to the next stage.

To make progress:

  • Go out
  • Then go out more
  • And stay out
  • It’s 80% field experience, 20% study

Nothing is better for a noob than standing in front of women and talking. The more experience you gain, the better. No amount of theory will help you if your heart is pounding out of your chest. So focus on the ability to be calm and present when approaching women.

Once you can pull that off, you’ll start to advance.

If you can’t even move your legs, I’d suggest taking a bootcamp.


The Intermediate – Two to Three Years

How fast and whether you reach the intermediate stage depends on how hard and efficiently you work in the noob stage. But most guys reach this in a year or so.

The intermediate doesn’t struggle with approach anxiety, or what to say – they just aren’t that good at it. They’re “competent.”

Think of the drummer who’s good enough to jam but not enough to play in your band. He’s the little league coach or the entry-level engineer at the startup.

I’d say intermediate is the most fun, exciting, and fulfilling stage of the journey. Because by this point, going out and approaching women will yield positive results. You’ll have gotten laid a bunch of times or have even found a girlfriend. The learning curve is still steep enough to excite you, and going out is a great adventure.

The big issue you’ll have at this stage is calibration and flakes.

You’ll often be experimenting, making many mistakes and learning from them. It can be frustrating because you feel you’re almost there… but the girls don’t. They’ll give you their numbers and text you but won’t meet up. They’ll make out with you at the club but won’t go home with you. It’s only your sheer determination, belief, and a relentless number of approaches that get you results. You rely a lot on luck.

After months of struggle, most guys finally bang a high-quality girl, and rather than going back to the grind, they make her a girlfriend – if she’ll have them.

“My work here is done.”

But some of them remain single and carry on with their hedonistic journey of self-improvement.

To make progress:

  • Refine specific skills
  • If you go to clubs, focus on physical touch, escalation, and dance floor game
  • If you’re a day gamer, work on instant dates, same day pulls, and becoming better at talking in general
  • More practice, as always

At this stage, it will help to hire a coach for feedback, like myself, or any of the writers here at Girls Chase. You’ll want someone to identify your sticking points, give advice, and hold you accountable. Phone coaching works, too!


The Advanced – Two to Four Years

To the advanced man, every day feels like a Vivaldi sonnet. A mere whiff of your man-scent causes female lips to moisten in anticipation, a dewy breath halted on her tongue, waiting for you – well, not exactly, but it gets a lot easier because of your experienced and more confident, sexy vibe.

You don’t give a moment’s thought about silly issues like what to say. Approach anxiety doesn’t exist, and you hardly remember what it even felt like. You’re a professional man-whore of modern legend. Everyone knows you as the dude that bangs all the hotties.

By this time, you’ll have had many lays, nearing triple digits, a few girlfriends, a threesome or two, and you’re considering starting a coaching business.

But deep down inside, you still have that feeling – that you’re not there yet. You’re not even close. You’re still having to work WAY too hard for the results you’re getting. You want to be a rockstar but feel more like a coal miner, forever digging deep, looking for a diamond. It’s still far too much work.

If you’re smart, this is when you’ll start thinking about your lifestyle. Cold approach pickup can only take you so far. It’s a skillset, not a sustainable lifestyle.

Maybe you should start an online business? Get into Bitcoin or real estate. Hit the gym and do a major body transformation. Maybe become a DJ and host epic parties. Do something strategic. Create a woman funnel.

You start to question if this chasing pussy stuff is really the path to enlightenment or just an empty hobby. Maybe you should get married and have kids.

Advanced guys tend to realize that game isn’t a big deal, and it’s totally normal to be able to get laid. Some like myself are gifted at helping others along this path. Some opt out of the game altogether. But it’s a time of great transformation.

To make progress:

  • Pick your path
  • Find your passion
  • Follow it

If that’s becoming a coach and entrepreneur, so be it. If it means joining an acrobatic Yoga cult or starting one, do it. Move beyond being a mere skirt-chaser. Teach what you know, and expand your consciousness.


The Master – Four to Ten Years

At this point, you’re either a millionaire with a supermodel wife, a gold medal MMA fighter, or just a man with a lot of sex under his belt. You’re considering writing a novel about your adventures.

The image of the master: the wizened wizard sitting under the cherry blossom tree seeking Nirvana, free from desire and worldly pleasure.

The master knows he can attract new women without much effort. He doesn’t worry about it.

More realistically, you’re just a guy who can get really hot girls without too much effort. It’s just a matter of finding the time.

What you think of a master is more likely an advanced guy. Because most masters are “over it.” They get married. They realize that attracting girls isn’t magic – it’s normal. It’s not a big deal to get laid. It’s a matter of energy expended + lifestyle.

Having sex with beautiful women is one of life’s greatest pleasures. But when spoiled with pleasure, even that can become dull.

Every master is eventually defeated by his student. The master is a good concept for the noobie to aspire to. It gives him hope that one day he’ll live the life of a movie star. It gives him a target to shoot for.

But in reality, the master is nothing more than a lifelong student. There is no final destination. To settle under a cherry tree means to give up the hedonistic chase. All the masters I know are amazing Internet marketers and live in developing countries with their long-term girlfriends or wives.

Most men will remain in advanced, and never pass to master. Not everyone can be a world champion. Many can fight in the league, but few will ever wear the belt. And after they achieve the title, they retire before the brain damage kicks in, become public speakers, or start a winery.



Learning how to pick up women is part of a path, a journey. More so, it’s a hobby. You don’t need to become a guru to live a great life full of sex and romance.

Don’t compare yourself to anyone. Do what you need to find happiness and fulfill your desires. To keep from being lonely, get laid, or find a wife. Do what you must. If that becomes your lifelong passion, so be it.

If you’re a noob who looks up toward mastery and laments, all you have to do is try. At least make a real go of it. It doesn’t matter how long it will take. Just walk the path and at least you’ll end up somewhere.



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